Dating site survey finds something else than authors think, vol. 189 000 000

posted in: Relationships, Science! | 0

According to a survey, which The Times cited without linking to it so I won’t either because I can’t find it, the best thing to say in your online dating profile is that you’re “outdoorsy”. For the sheer magnitude of genitalia attracted, this is followed closely by expressing an interest in “food and health”, but only for women.

Can you read between the lines? The survey appears to, rather hilariously, have measured something else than the authors think.

Oh, here’s a crucial piece of information. The profiles didn’t include photos.

The point was, of course, to separate variables and measure what’s attractive, other than physical attractivenes. But since it’s not possible to turn off the preference for physical attractiveness, all it did was push people to find indirect, proxy clues – and the best way to at least estimate whether someone is fit or fat is … checking whether they’re physically active and interested in health.

With only words to work with, I too would assume that people who climb the Eiger ordinarily aren’t lardasses. It’s a good heuristic.

Since “outdoorsy” and “interest in health” are clear proxies for “probably not fat”, the study essentially found most people like fit patners…wowowoowoooowoooooooow!

One more gem. The most unattractive word was “nice”. Which si hardly surprising, but not because “women like jerks”, but because women correctly parse loudly broadcasted niceness as not actual niceness, but a compensation for having no favorable traits by exaggerated fake niceness. Which tends to have a lot of resentment underneath.

Advertising your niceness is akin to saying “I have nothing more interesting or valuable to offer than supplicating behavior”, it’s like holding a sign that says “Total chump, will grovel for affection”. Which is, of course, every girl’s dream.

People who make a big point of saying they’re nice typically aren’t nice, they tend to be worthless and/or creepy white knight “feminist ally” types that turn out to be rapists.

And “nice girls” are typically fatties.

The heart of the issue isn’t that people would prefer mean or aloof partners, but that people who have many desirable qualities can get away with mean or aloof behavior and still get plenty of attention – and conversely, being super nice is usually a reliable indicator of having nothing else to offer.

Of course, there’s a bunch of codependent gigacunts out there who actually seek out abusive partners, but that’s just a short-circuiting of the above, basically sound logic. It’s mistaking the signal for the thing.

If you have many desirable qualities, and are a decent human being on top, that’s absolutely an option, it’s the best option, and you’ll swim in it.

By the way, liking animals was rated as highly attractive. That’s because it’s a better indicator of someone being an actual good person than calling themselves “nice”.

Another unattractive word was …. wait for it … any mention of sex. Which is interesting, because sex is the whole point of the exercise. But it’s a bit gauche to say it. Guys who do come across as creepy, primitive lechers, and women as sluts. So if you want to get laid, don’t say it. Say you’re an outdoorsy animal lover, who’s really into arts and music, health and fitness, and reading Wisdomination.

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