Accurate Dictionary

In a time of muddled language and words losing all meaning, it falls to the best and brightest among us to engage in a heroic effort to make language correspond to reality again, a Herculean, Confucius-inspired work of rectification of names.

This document will be progressively updated.

Academia, left-wing – A group of people who failed to meaningfully order their own lives, trying to order everyone else’s.

Alternative medicine – Not medicine, prone to leading to alternative (i.e. not) health.

Anti-nuclear movement – One of the most successful Soviet active measures projects, which managed to advance Russian economic and geopolitical interests by convincing gullible western ignoramuses that the cleanest source of energy ever invented is bad.

Anti-racism 1. Hatred of a group of people based on the color of their skin (exclusively applied to whites) 2. The opposite of 1, opposition to all ethnic prejudice, the default position of 99.9% people in the developed world.

Anti-vaccination movement – see Eugenics.

Austerity – Marginally smaller deficits.

Austerity, crushing – Almost, though not quite, living within means. Borrowing only 100 billion dollars per year.

Autoethnography – Resentful bad blogging pretending to be intellectual work.

Basque – A language isolate spoken by the Basque people in the Pyrenees, a late derivative of colonial Atlantean dialect, sadly bastardized by intermixture with Spanish (which can also be said of the Basque people themselves).

Bitcoin – The original cryptocurrency. Decentralized, deflationary, permissionless asset-money currently poised in a superposition of being one of the most important financial innovations in history and a total joke, depending on near future adoption rate and network effects, notably in the next financial crisis.

Body positivity 1. The notion that all bodies are beautiful, except the beautiful, who are obsessive narcissists and should be ashamed of themselves. 2. A norm of nonjudgment and self-acceptance originally invented for burn victims and people with incurable illnesses, which got appropriated by people who can’t say no to cake and try to externalize their shame on the rest of society.

Bosporus 1. A strait between the Mediterranean and Black seas. 2. The only reason anyone pretends Turkey is part of the civilized world.

British Empire – The largest enterprise in human history to date, an organization established for the purpose of bringing edible cuisine to Britain. Later replaced by the cheaper and more ethical policy of importing foreign cooks. (I.e. importing the world rather than exporting Britain)

Capitalism 1. People freely and voluntarily exchanging goods and services, like they have any right to it. 2. A word invented by Victorian proto-hipsters to whine about 1.

China – A formerly briefly communist, now textbook fascist surveillance state, with rampant ethnic chauvinism and a state-controlled economy, successfully posing as a communist one. (See Communism)

Cisgender – A person with a penis thinking of himself as a man, or a person with a vagina thinking of herself as a woman, which is basically fascism.

Cliché – A true thing someone hates to hear, but hears a lot due to making the same error all the time and getting corrected by helpful others.

Coffee – A nootropic drink that played a key role in history by lubricating the Enlightenment.

Coffee, American1. Three molecules of caffeine bobbing about in a liter of lukewarm water, colored and flavored with apparent tar. 2. A 3000 calorie, $8 monstrosity of flavored syrups and soylent milk surrogates, consumed on a regular basis by people who then wonder where all their money went and why they’re so fat. (See also Fair Trade, Fat Acceptance, Body Positivity, Idiot Tax)

Communism1. The only thing in history actually worse than Hitler. 2. Fascism minus food.

Cultural relativism – The notion, irreconcilable with consequentialist ethics, that all cultures are “equal”, and any objective judgment of their relative merits or desirability is impossible. The only exception is the culture that invented almost everything, including the concept of human rights, which is bad. (See Western Civilization)

Czech people – Central European nation with the epicurean and parochial culture of hobbits and the hauntingly superhuman physique of elves, producing some of the most unexpectedly profound writers on the planet.

Decolonization – The withdrawal of western powers from the developing world in preparation for a recolonization by China.

Decolonizing the curriculum – Colonizing the curriculum with things that mostly don’t belong on it, based on the mistaken belief it wasn’t already diverse. People who haven’t read any of – and don’t know what’s in – the classics complaining about the composition of the classics. (See Diversity)

Deflation – Things getting cheaper, but with a disapproving spin.

Diversity 1. Hiring people for their genitalia or skin color rather than merit and qualifiaction. (See Social Justice) 2. Patronizing women and ethnic minorities by implying they can’t succeed without preferential treatment.

Economics, Keynesian – The theory that we magically grow richer by wasting resources.

Economic crisis1. People with savings briefly being able to buy productive assets at an acceptable valuation. 2. Temporary enforced period of very nearly sane economic behavior.

Elon Musk – A time-travelling artificial intelligence installed in a barely convincing simulacrum of a human body. Tasked with returning this timeline to the correct trajectory, from which it strayed in the late 1960s.

Emotional labor – Being asked to back up your arguments.

Environmentalism1. Concern for the environment (the default position of 99.9% of all people) 2. Collective Oedipal complex manifesting through attempts to prevent Mother Nature from getting despoiled by tall rigid patriarchal structures emitting whitish substances.

Ethics, academic – A field dedicated to blocking the progress of life-saving technologies and unnecessarily increasing human suffering, rather than confronting Bronze Age biases.

Euro – Financial instrument for redistributing the wealth of toothless Greek olive farmers to titans of German industry.

False consciousness – Sanity viewed from a totalitarian perspective.

Fair Trade – Neither fair nor really trade, a certification racket forcing farmers in the developing world into collective farming, defrauding first-world hipsters to enrich cynical middlemen without meaningfully benefitting needful farmers. (See also Idiot Tax)

Fat acceptance – Conspiracy of athletic people who want to preserve their natural scarcity and therefore sexual market power.

Fiscal stimulus – The theory that trickle-down economics, which in orthodox theory doesn’t work, starts working when practiced by the most inefficient and wasteful entity in the economy – the government.

France – An European country with an administrative and political culture based almost exclusively on mutual exploitation.

French people – World champions in rioting against things they did to themselves.

Futurist – A person who is wrong about the future, for money.

Gaslighting – Noticing mental illness.

Gentrification – Rising standards of living, safe and clean streets, and nice restaurants, but with disapproving spin.

Geneva The headquarters location of several dozen Bond-villain level organizations, involved in god-tier corruption, money laundering, child trafficking and sex slavery, frequently under the guise of humanitarian work.

Germany1. A collection of mostly decorative appendages bolted onto two large port cities and the roaring economic engine of Bavaria. 2. The Wile E. Coyote of constant disastrous imperial ambitions.

Greece – The ultimate one-hit wonder that had a good album 2500 years ago and somehow still sticks around on inertia. The barren tree that once gave the fruit of western civilization.

Greek cuisine – Carbonized vegetables and questionable meat with a side of yoghurt.

Harassment – A journalist getting corrected on Twitter.

Harassment (sexual) – Flirting attempts by ugly, short, fat or poor men.

Hate speech 1. Facts 2. Anything outside the communist memeplex. 3. (rarely) Hate speech.

High Modernism1. Autistic overapplication of mechanistic thinking to organic systems, typically to their detriment, damage or destruction: see Central Planning, Dekulakization, Le Corbusier. 2. A term invented by messy anal expulsives to complain about the geometric aesthetic tastes of anal retentives.

Human resources – See Political Commissar.

Hysteria – A real medical condition which was removed from handbooks following political pressure from people suffering from it. That started a worrying trend.

Implicit – Imaginary (E.g. “Implicit bias”, see also Replication Crisis)

Impostor syndrome – Realistic self-reflection.

Inclusion (education) – Discrimination against gifted students.

Influencer1. Prostitute 2. Parasite 3. A combination thereof. (See also Socialite)

Instagram – A tool for grooming attention whores into actual ones.

Internalized misogyny – Other women being more attractive, and/or liking men. (See also Female Intrasexual Competition)

Investment banking – The conversion of other people’s money into mountains of cocaine, STD clinic appointments and financial crises.

Islamophobia1. The belief that women have rights, rape is bad and not the victim’s fault, clitorises should stay attached to infant girls’ bodies, homosexuality isn’t a capital offense, the pronouncements of a 7th century outlaw aren’t a worthwhile guide for life in a modern society, and beer is delicious. 2. The useful idiot term of the century (credit: Christopher Hitchens).

Italian cuisine – Culinary tradition of one of Europe’s historically poorest regions, specifically developed to be quick, healthy, delicious, and above all extremely cheap. As a result, it commands impressive prices in the world’s overpaid metropolises. (See also Sushi, Lobster)

IQ – The most scientifically rigorous concept in all of psychology, currently under coordinated attack because it subverts the unscientific bits of psychology, and hurts the feelings of the kinds of people who tend to become bad psychologists. (See also Psychologist)

Judeochristian values – Slave morality.

Latinos – An ethnic group combined from genocidal Spanish and Portuguese conquistadors who singlehandedly destroyed a quarter of all human civilization, and bloodthirsty giga-savages who practiced industrial scale human sacrifice. Apparently, this adds up to a marginalized victim group.

Liberalism 1. (Historically) A political ideology characterized by respect for the individual, equality before the law, and maximisation of personal liberty. 2. (Contemporary) The opposite. 3. A system for the indulgence of private madness at general expense. (See also Progressivism)

Libertarianism – A political ideology which maintains that the only reason people are horrible to each other are the systems designed to make them less horrible.

Lifehack – Bombastically phrased, usually banal advice on the internet. Usually the baseline of being a functioning human.

Lived experience1. Falling for one’s own biases. 2. Demanding deference to one’s own biases. 3. Motivated reasoning. 4. Anecdotal evidence. 5. All of the above. Supposedly a superior source of knowledge, as compared to statistics, evidence, logic and science.

Lobster – Historically a trash food that was fed to prisoners, sparking protests against cruel treatment. Now a posh, expensive delicacy. (See also Italian cuisine, Sushi)

Mansplaining – Correcting a woman.

Manterrupting – A man attempting to get a word in edgewise at least once in twenty minutes.

Marginalized1. Marginal. 2. Ejected out of polite society because of rampant criminal tendencies or constant insane pronouncements.

Master of Business Administration – Toxic dilletante mishandling other people’s property.

McDonald’s – See Eugenics.

Mediterranean people – A family of nations characterized by the simultaneous tendencies to create as many rules as possible and then obey none of them.

Misogyny – Women who hate men imagining that men hate them back.

Modern Monetary Theory – Currency debasement. Neither modern, nor much of a theory. Magic money tree economics that mistakes issuing tokens of exchange for the creation of wealth, inevitably leading to hyperinflation.

Monogamy – A system of reproductive socialism necessary for a peaceful society.

Multiculturalism 1. Equivocation. 2. False equivalency. 3. Moral relativism.

Myth – In modern journalistic parlance, “Thing that I don’t want to be true, even though it may”.

Nationalism – The belief that the optimal organizing unit of society is something that wasn’t even invented until 200 years ago.

Nazi1. A member of the National Socialist Workers’ Party. 2. Anyone to the right of Pol Pot.

Nazi, literal – Literally not a nazi.

Neoliberalism – Anything the speaker doesn’t like. Describes positions and ideologies ranging from de facto socialism to wholly unregulated capitalism, depending on which the speaker is angrier about.

Neo-reaction – A political ideology centered on the idea that western cultural supremacy and identity can best be protected by making the west more like Saudi Arabia. (See also Traditionalism, Paleoconservatism)

Non-profit organization – A highly profitable repository of people too delusional even for politics.

Nordic model – A complex web of public and private institutions built on the rule of law, strong private property rights and free enterprise followed by modest and increasingly unpopular redistribution, with all Scandinavian countries except Norway ranking above the United States on the Index of Economic Freedom. This gets called “socialism” by American idiots on both the extreme left and right, who don’t know what socialism is, but who either totally love or hate capitalism, because they don’t know what that is, either. (See also Capitalism, Socialism)

Normative – Normal, but with disapproving spin.

Open borders – Unrestricted immigration and demographic engineering under the justification that western countries need vast amounts of unskilled labor to do all the basic jobs we’re simultaneously told will soon be done by robots.

Oppression1. Anything that interferes with being self-absorbed (see also Loyalty, Discipline, Law and Order, Decency). 2. Any difference in ability, work ethic or likability.

Other ways of knowing – A colossal Motte and Bailey, in which the banal observation that science is subject to occassional human biases and cultural prejudices is used to justify rankest relativism, and placing indigenous musings about angry mountain spirits on equal footing with meteorology, astrology with astronomy, gender theory with biology.

Paleo diet1. The notion that optimal health can be achieved by imitating the diets of people with average lifespans of 28. 2. A gimmicky name for the trivial observation that modern diets contain too many carbohydrates.

Patriarchy 1. A system characterized by men doing most of the hard work and women controlling most of the social and purchasing power. 2. A projective psychological gambit designed to obscure the fact that human societies are basically matriarchal, and confuse the victims into further guilt and subservience.

Philosophers, academic – A guild of autists defrauding humanity out of individually meagre but in aggregate considerable living by pretending to not understand elementary concepts that even small children and simple animals don’t struggle with.

Planned parenthood – An eugenics programme posing as a human rights campaign.

Poland – A vast featureless plain in Northeastern Europe, which the admins of the simulation never got around to fleshing out. It is part of an upcoming DLC, and was never meant to be visited in this version of the simulation.

Political philosophy – The practice of engaging in spiralling word games, until monstrosities sound like common sense morals.

Populism – Democracy, but with disapproving spin.

Postmodernism 1. A debating strategy based on attacking all truth claims while not forwarding any of one’s own, therefore presenting no attackable surface and, to naive audiences, appearing to win by not having a check-mateable king on the chessboard. 2. Sophistry.

Prejudice – The notion that if you independently encounter the same reactions everywhere you go, it’s other people’s fault.

Privilege1. Meritocracy, but with disapproving spin. 2. Apparently something coal miners have and tenured professors don’t.

Problematic1. Incompatible with the progressive memeplex, typically by virtue of being true. 2. A weasel word used to imply that something subjectively and often pragmatically disliked is bad objectively.

Progressivism – A political ideology consisting of a regressive centrally planned Bronze Age palace economy, a regressive Protagoran relativism in philosophy, and a regressive tribalism in politics.

Psychologist – A person who needs a psychiatrist.

Punching up – Shitting on the struggling working classes from the editorial office of the New York Times, faculty lounges at Ivy League universities and designer chaisse lounges in Brooklyn lofts.

Reductionism – Refusal to consider things that aren’t there.

Remove kebab – A recent expression of traditional Serbian animosity towards Turks, with whom Serbs are genetically identical.

Refugee1. A person with a smartphone who pays the equivalent of a year’s first world wages and crosses seven safe countries to reach the one with the most generous welfare system and blondest women, in order to escape oppression. (See also Oppression) 2. A person running from the exact dysfunction he is going to replicate in a new place, much like a cat with a can tied to its tail.

Replication crisis – An ongoing, developing scandal where it turns out that most claims coming out of social psychology and adjacent fields for the last 70 years, many of which made it into government policy, school textbooks and public consciousness, were pseudoscientific, hopelessly fraudulent wishful bogus that proceeded backwards from desired conclusions through tortured theories to falsified data, meant to reverse accurate perceptions of cause and effect and justify radical left-wing policies. [Wikipedia]

Right side of history – The side that killed 150 million people and caused untold suffering everywhere it was tried.R

Russia1. A steppe khanate conspicuously dressed in an unconvincing, Potemkinian imitation of a modern country. 2. A country with an economy the size of Italy’s, which hasn’t managed to adequately organize the production of toilet paper in 300 years, yet is suspected of masterminding global events.

Scientism – The outrageous idea that checking how things are is somehow better than making shit up.

Sexism1. The notion that women and men are different (See also: Biology, Science, Empiricism). 2. (Rarely) Sexism.

Simulation hypothesis – Creationism for nerds. Likely, though.

Skunk doctrine – A strategy practiced by impostors and crooks in large organizations, in which they poison the environment to such a degree that the people who are actually qualified to be there get frustrated and leave. An effective method for removing superior competition, especially when practiced collectively. (See also Postmodernism)

Slavs – The black people of white people.

Socialism1. The proposition that abuses of power will be solved by making opportunities to commit them much bigger. 2. The promotion of principal-agent problems and cronyism to the main organizing principle of society. 3. The proposition that the problem of collusion of economic and political power will be solved by making economic and political power identical. 4. A system for the maximisation of hierarchical privilege, institutional capture and elite unaccountability.

Socialite 1. Prostitute 2. Parasite 3. A combination thereof. (See also Influencer)

Social Justice1. Injustice 2. Outbreak of acute toxoplasmosis among western cat people in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, with classic symptoms including aggression, sexual deviancy, sadomasochism and atypical, schizotypal thought patterns.

Stereotype – Statistical fact, but with disapproving spin.

Structural – See Prejudice.

Sumerians – The first known civilization. Invented beer, complex mathematics and sophisticated banking before the wheel.

Sushi – Originally a food of the Japanese poor consisting of waste fish cutoffs preserved in vinegar rice, which was discarded before consumption, now a positional/Veblen good sold at exorbitant prices. (See also Italian cuisine, Lobster)

Swiss banking – A system converting the wealth of supervillains into cheaper mortgages.

Technocracy – Scientific socialism in a nicer suit.

Tolerance – Intolerance of reality.

Toxic masculinity – A term used by women locked in an insoluble internal conflict between id and superego, referring to male behaviors they find instinctively attractive, and wish they wouldn’t. Naturally, this is everyone else’s fault.

Traditionalism – A political ideology that claims that the effective spirit of western civilization lies in all the things that had to be defeated to make the west in any way special or historically unique. (See also Paleoconservatism, Neoreaction)

Transphobia – The belief that mixed sex thai boxing is a bad idea, and at least some women should win at least some sporting medals ever again.

Triathlon – A sport picked up by executives after it emerged mere marathons are too cheap and achievable to serve as meaningful status symbols.

University – An unreformed medieval guild currently involved in a daring pivot from education to usury.

Unrealistic standards of beauty – Body shapes achievable by any healthy person with two hours of light exercise per week.

Value dam – Company that isn’t subject to competitive pressures, but its suppliers are. As a result, it exerts pricing power in both directions and captures disproportionate value.

Viking raids of England – A series of Viking raids on the British isles during the 8th and 9th centuries, involving the abduction of almost all attractive British women, which explains both Icelandic and British women today.

Wellness – Pseudoscientific scams aimed at middle class women.

White supremacist1. Typically the ugliest, stupidest and least valuable members of the white race who claim collective superiority to compensate for their individual inferiority. 2. (Colloquial) Anyone who disagrees with a leftist, especially using statistics.

Yoga 1. Stretching + superstition. 2. Ancient wisdom of the orient largely based on 19th century British army calisthenics. 3. Exercise system originally designed for ascetic hermits that now requires $ 200 worth of brightly colored equipment. 4. Recreational mysticism for middle class western women. (See Wellness)

Honorable mention:

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